apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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