you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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