you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
