Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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