my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
