Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
