she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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