I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
