i already hear my dad disowning me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
