I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
