i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
