She announced her abortion via fbk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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