Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
