I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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