Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
