it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she peed on how many people?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
