last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
