Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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