my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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