I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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