Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
