too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
