Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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