hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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