A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
