Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's blow job season.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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