You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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