so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
