I CAN MOONWALK!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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