I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
