My friends, they love my intelligence
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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