Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
