I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
