and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
