He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
