I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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