And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
