If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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