If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
