i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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