Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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