the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
