So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
