U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
