Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
