I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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