i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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