can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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