We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
