he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
